When Parents Get Angry, It’s Okay, Here’s What It Really Means

By: Vilenti D. Tulloch SR

Sometimes, as educators, we encounter parents who appear frustrated, angry, or upset. It’s easy to take that personally or feel defensive, but what looks like anger or discontent is often just another form of communication. A parent may not have the language, the context, or the understanding of school systems that we do. They might not fully grasp the “why” behind certain decisions, and that’s not their fault.

When we call parents only about behavioral concerns, updates to IEPs or 504 plans, or their child’s lack of progress, we’re often delivering news in a vacuum. If parents haven’t had ongoing communication with us, if they don’t know who we are or haven’t seen evidence of our care, it’s no wonder that frustration surfaces.

So why do we get frustrated with parents? Often, it’s because we haven’t created consistent, positive communication with them. Parents need to hear from us when things are going well, just as much as they hear from us when things aren’t. We need to show them that we’re in this together, working for the success of their child.

Here’s how we can do it:

1. Over-communicate.

As teachers, we see students every day. We notice changes in behavior, moments of perseverance, and successes big and small. Why shouldn’t parents hear about these things? A quick note home about a child’s achievement or effort can go a long way. Especially for more dependent learners, parents need to know that we see and care about their child’s efforts.

2. Treat parents as experts.

Parents know their child better than anyone. Asking them, “What can we do to best support your child?” signals that we value their perspective. They feel heard, seen, and understood—and that makes them more likely to partner with us.

3. Don’t take frustration personally.

When a parent is upset, it’s rarely an attack on us personally. They’re advocating for their child, just as we are. Recognizing this helps us stay calm, reflective, and collaborative instead of defensive.

4. Be transparent and vulnerable.

If you have ideas about how to support a child, share them with parents. Work in partnership:

• “I have an idea for your child—what do you think?”

• “We’ve noticed a challenge—can you help support them at home?”

• “Here’s how they did on this test—let’s talk about next steps.”

It’s also okay to admit mistakes. If something was unclear in a meeting, or if a child misunderstood your guidance, reach out and clarify. A simple apology or follow-up communication disarms frustration and builds trust.

I recently experienced this firsthand. A parent arrived at school to pick up her child. She spoke some English, but her primary language was Spanish. Four educators at the front desk didn’t know where the child was, leading to confusion and frustration for everyone. By stepping in, clarifying the situation, and apologizing for the miscommunication, I was able to disarm the parent’s frustration. She left the school smiling, reassured, and heard.

What looked like anger was actually concern. What looked like frustration was a desire for partnership. And that’s the key: we all want the same thing, success for the child.

The work we do with families requires solidarity, not confusion. When we communicate openly, over-communicate when needed, and work alongside parents as partners, we create an environment where everyone, educators, parents, and students can thrive.